Jealousy

Jealousy is a funny thing eh? I don't like it at all. But it happens. You think you're fine with what you have, who you are and where you are, and then. POOF. That "thing" gets in your way. You turn green. Well... not quite. That wouldn't be very nice for your complexion.

Anywho.

Jealous according to the dictionary on my Mac (which is the best dictionary... because its on my mac) explains that the word "jealous" means feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements.
Exactly. I'm not a jealous person. But some things... you can't help them! I don't want to be a jealous person at ALL... I hate that I feel this way. But I am.

1 Cor. 3 talks about jealousy.
God has appointed each of us to our own plan, and they are all equal... so why should we want what others have?

Seeing in perspective in the moment is so difficult.

On a side note. I love spending this time with God. As sad as it is... typing out my thoughts really helps me. Its like in school when you have to write out your thoughts on a subject, but then your thoughts make you do deeper and look for more resources - the bible. I love wanting to read the bible.

Blessing for 2008!
Happy New Year everyone :)

Who hit the Fast-Forward Button?

Right now I'm reminded of how short and fragile life is.

It JUST struck me this week. Right now as I type this I am in the Queen Elizabeth II Library on the 2nd floor, just looking out the window watching the clouds move and the cars speed by. It actually looks like someone pushed the fast-forward button on life. The wind is blowing so fast that the clouds are zooming past and staring out onto a road with a speed limit of 70km/h, it looked like the cars are going abnormally fast.

Life is a breath. In, and then its over. I'm a naive 19 year old, and I guess I thought I would never be done school, and that I'd be a kid forever. My birthday is in 2 weeks. Okay... for all you guys who are older than 20 I'm sorry. But I feel like as soon as I hit 20 life must change. I'll have to have my career decided, I'll have to move out and start my life on my own. I won't be able to live and depend on my parents, drive their car and eat their food. I feel like I will have to know all about politics and taxes and mortgages. I mean I'm obviously getting closer to that stage, but people hit it at different times. For me, I need to focus on this degree, and what to do after... for myself. For people like Jon and Seritha: they're ready for all the things I'm not. And they're going to be awesome at it. I am so happy for them words cannot express. I guess the happenings of this week kind of made me think of all these things. Made me want what God isn't ready for me to dive into yet. Meeting the guy of my dreams and settling down with him will happen, but I should be excited for what God is going to do in my life now!

Life goes fast. That is no shocker. So even if I'm not going to be a teenager anymore, and even though my friends are getting married, God will show me where to go and give me hope for tomorrow. He knows best, and he meant life to fly by. But life with him will be everlasting. I'll look back on this life praising Him for providing me with what was the best.

: )

Quotes

"I'm so messy and distracted,
Undisciplined and tactless here on the inside.

Teach me to wait in the moments of my need,
Teach me to hear the melodies of peace. "
- Starfield ("Captivate")

"I need you Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go?"
- Desperation Band ("Rescue")

"We’d never know what’s wrong without the pain. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
- The Fray ("All at Once")

"Welcome to the middle ground, It's safe and sound and until now it's where I've been.
Because it's been fear that ties me down to everything. But it's been love, Your love that cuts the strings.

So long, status quo, I think I've just let go. You make me wanna be brave.
The way it always was, It's no longer good enough. You make me wanna be brave "
-Nichole Nordeman ("Brave")

"I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred
I just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one"
- Nichole Nordeman ("Legacy")

I don't know where I'd be with out music. Its such a blessing to me everyday. Whether its through songs by others, playing in church or just the fact that its a talent that God himself selected for me personally. I am so thankful everyday for God's gift.

Listening to music like this is like my time with God. Only he knows how the songs relate to my life, and I know that he sends me these songs to remind me of his presence.

God is Good :) I love him more and more everyday!

Growing up (Part II)

I am freakishly close to getting a degree. A DEGREE. Like next April I'll be wearing an ugly gown being SUPER bored waiting to get a piece of paper and I will of course be one of the last ones to receive it because of my awesome last name... Williams.

I only HAVE to do 3 more music theory courses and 5 psychology courses. Then I will be Melissa Williams with Bachelor of Music and a minor in psychology.

Then what am I supposed to do. Gosh... that could be so many things.

Also had another realization today. If something is bothering you, then you have to a. Pray about it and b. Not let it bother you!
I have this thing I've been struggling with for a long time now, and I don't want to be struggling with it anymore. Sometimes I think that its normal to deal with, but I think it will go away faster if I want it to! Anyone have any experiences with that? Does it work?

Also... in 3 weeks I am going to be 20. TWENTY. I never thought this day would come. Yikes.

Peace out.

L'ecole

School is busy. There is so much stuff to be doing.

-1500 word paper was due yesterday
-Nutso theory assignment due tomorrow (which is the lasy analytical assignment in my carreer as a musc student!!! So thats exciting!!)
-1200 word conducting analysis paper
-I have to video tape myself teaching and write a 1000 word reflection on it
-I have to write a sonata...
-aural skills ATONAL sight singing/dictation exam
-Orchestra concert in a WEEK FROM TODAY. And we're playing Schostakowitsch Symphony. For anyone who knows anything about him... well he's nuts. And there is MANY a solo for me. Its stressing me out more than anything!
-Concert Band concert after the orchestra concert
-Chamber Music Jury in 2 weeks
-Divisional Timbrels practice like twice a week.
- not to mention EXAMS.

They lied when they said 2nd year was the worst. 3rd is brutal. Brace yourselves people.

But (even though I'm rotted my exams end on the last day AND the day AFTER my birthday) I will be on Christmas vacation is less than a month!!! :D

Christmas!

Word...

I'm having a hard time reading my bible lately. I hate admitting it, but I say I don't have time. I know I know, I do have time! And I'm going to make it.

Theres the plan: Everytime I want to check Facebook, I'm reading a chapter :)

Charade - Amanda Falk

Another day hangs on a face that they expect to see
Its not all I want, but its all I've got to make this world believe
Nothing's wrong with me.
I'm an artist of emotion, a master of deceit
And the many faces I portray are nothing at all like me
And how I long to be free

From this never ending maze all my heads in a daze everytime I think
From this over played charade all my hearts gonna fade and I can't go on

Its a tug of war each moment, to hide this pain inside
Or to open up and spill this cup of feelings that I hide.
What would people do, and what would people say?
When they hear the truth will they turn and run away?
Will they throw a stone, or lend a shoulder to lean on?

From this never ending maze all my heads in a daze everytime I think
From this over played charade all my hearts gonna fade and I can't go on

Its not fair! I can't take this anymore
These tears have drifted me to shore
Is there hope for someone just like me?
And I hear a voice inside me say

"I can set you free...

...From this never ending maze I will be your strength if you let me lead
So just take my hand and just see
if you follow me you can can be free"

You are who You are... no matter where I am.

Well... what to write.

YC was amazing. I never actually thought it was as I was going on because there wasn't any bands there I really liked the speakers wern't as funny as I usually liked... pretty much it didn't seem like YC to me. But I think thats what made it amazing. I think I'm at a point with God now where I just spend time with him and its amazing... it doesn't matter what kind of time it is... its just His presence that makes me feel great. And I didn't need a funny speaker to talk to me... I just needed God. And he was there.

I learned alot this weekend. I don't even really know how or where to start to try and explain what exactly I did learn. I just learned stuff.

I did learn how amazing my friends are. So willing to do anything for me. So understanding. I'm so blessed to have them in my life :) ALL of them.
I'm loving where my life is going right now. I have NO clue WHERE its going and I've got to admit it, I really don't enjoy school, but thats God telling me what I'm meant to do... I do take comfort in knowing wherever God takes me I will love.

:D

Melis

Do You Feel?

So I've been trying to hear God's voice for a long-o time-o. I keep ignoring it (subcontiously of course) even when I know its not like he actually "speaks" in this big booming voice... "Melssa. I was you to..." Although that would be nice. But I know thats not the way he works. So latey I've really been listening to other people. Because God speaks through other people. And boy, oh boy have I been getting some answers.
-this whole summer was one clue. I ended up in North Carolina. Definitly not a random place.
-this week with Val coming up to me and asking me to help her out with youth group. (I'm PUMPED)
-tonight at church talking about people who have nothing, and how we have to step out there and hellp them, because who else will?
-also tonight when Arlene spoke about how are you supposedto minister...

its like all these things was God's low booming voice saying "Melissa. I want you to..."

And this new Rockey Summer CD is amazing. Its not even really my kind of music, but I think God wants me to listen to it to speak to me again. And he has been. So basically here's my new testimony in one song:



I'm thinking 'bout other things I heard about today
All this week and tomorrow
And how these hands could create some better things for bettering
but you see for now I got my own things
I cant help it
I got too many issues I own
So I cannot help I'm afraid, yeah
But keep on preaching, preaching and heal the world
Lip service makes up look great

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
'Cause you got your things
Yeah we all have our things I guess

I guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
Sometimes I convince myself
that all is fine in the world
It's not mine
Why should I
have to try
to fix things I didn't create or contrive

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
'Cause you got your own things
Yeah we all have so many things

Have the habits
Had you
Has it been for long
Can you feel the souls behind what's going on

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
'Cause you got your own things
Yeah all have our things

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow
Or to you is it just not real
'Cause you got your things
'Cause we all have so many things
And I can get past these things

Life definitly takes some twists and turns. For the better... and for the worst. SOmetimes they are stupid things that don;t even matter. But others can give you a glimpse into your future. And those are so very important.

This week was so short. I went to school, did my thing there... found out some difficult news that is totally discuraging, other stuff was uplifting. Is it weird how the hard stuff can be good? No... I guess not. We all know that bad things being out the best in a person (usually) but it always catched me off guard about how God works and reminds you He's in everything you do, say, think, and dream. I love that about him.

is next weekend. I'm super pumped, and I'm starting to pray that its in incredible weekend and that God will sow me something abous His will for my life.


I have to say... I have no idea what I just wrote... it probably makes no coherent sense... but I feel like I have to just let all this stuff going throgh my brain out in the open.

God is Good.

A New Start

Here I go again, Trying to start a blog for like the 5th time.

I always thought no one read it... but apparenty thats not true. I also got lazy and innoyed because my computer would always freeze and I would lose my whole entry. But! Now I have a new comuter! So hopefully that won't happen anymore, because I really do like writting in a blog. I'm not sure why. So if or nothing else... I'll keep it for self-fulfllment

I think this is one of the est feelings - lying down on my bed on the computer. Its so relaxing.

So I'm offically going to keep on top of this blog thing. So until next time!

-Melis!