Who hit the Fast-Forward Button?

Right now I'm reminded of how short and fragile life is.

It JUST struck me this week. Right now as I type this I am in the Queen Elizabeth II Library on the 2nd floor, just looking out the window watching the clouds move and the cars speed by. It actually looks like someone pushed the fast-forward button on life. The wind is blowing so fast that the clouds are zooming past and staring out onto a road with a speed limit of 70km/h, it looked like the cars are going abnormally fast.

Life is a breath. In, and then its over. I'm a naive 19 year old, and I guess I thought I would never be done school, and that I'd be a kid forever. My birthday is in 2 weeks. Okay... for all you guys who are older than 20 I'm sorry. But I feel like as soon as I hit 20 life must change. I'll have to have my career decided, I'll have to move out and start my life on my own. I won't be able to live and depend on my parents, drive their car and eat their food. I feel like I will have to know all about politics and taxes and mortgages. I mean I'm obviously getting closer to that stage, but people hit it at different times. For me, I need to focus on this degree, and what to do after... for myself. For people like Jon and Seritha: they're ready for all the things I'm not. And they're going to be awesome at it. I am so happy for them words cannot express. I guess the happenings of this week kind of made me think of all these things. Made me want what God isn't ready for me to dive into yet. Meeting the guy of my dreams and settling down with him will happen, but I should be excited for what God is going to do in my life now!

Life goes fast. That is no shocker. So even if I'm not going to be a teenager anymore, and even though my friends are getting married, God will show me where to go and give me hope for tomorrow. He knows best, and he meant life to fly by. But life with him will be everlasting. I'll look back on this life praising Him for providing me with what was the best.

: )

Quotes

"I'm so messy and distracted,
Undisciplined and tactless here on the inside.

Teach me to wait in the moments of my need,
Teach me to hear the melodies of peace. "
- Starfield ("Captivate")

"I need you Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go?"
- Desperation Band ("Rescue")

"We’d never know what’s wrong without the pain. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
- The Fray ("All at Once")

"Welcome to the middle ground, It's safe and sound and until now it's where I've been.
Because it's been fear that ties me down to everything. But it's been love, Your love that cuts the strings.

So long, status quo, I think I've just let go. You make me wanna be brave.
The way it always was, It's no longer good enough. You make me wanna be brave "
-Nichole Nordeman ("Brave")

"I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred
I just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one"
- Nichole Nordeman ("Legacy")

I don't know where I'd be with out music. Its such a blessing to me everyday. Whether its through songs by others, playing in church or just the fact that its a talent that God himself selected for me personally. I am so thankful everyday for God's gift.

Listening to music like this is like my time with God. Only he knows how the songs relate to my life, and I know that he sends me these songs to remind me of his presence.

God is Good :) I love him more and more everyday!

Growing up (Part II)

I am freakishly close to getting a degree. A DEGREE. Like next April I'll be wearing an ugly gown being SUPER bored waiting to get a piece of paper and I will of course be one of the last ones to receive it because of my awesome last name... Williams.

I only HAVE to do 3 more music theory courses and 5 psychology courses. Then I will be Melissa Williams with Bachelor of Music and a minor in psychology.

Then what am I supposed to do. Gosh... that could be so many things.

Also had another realization today. If something is bothering you, then you have to a. Pray about it and b. Not let it bother you!
I have this thing I've been struggling with for a long time now, and I don't want to be struggling with it anymore. Sometimes I think that its normal to deal with, but I think it will go away faster if I want it to! Anyone have any experiences with that? Does it work?

Also... in 3 weeks I am going to be 20. TWENTY. I never thought this day would come. Yikes.

Peace out.

L'ecole

School is busy. There is so much stuff to be doing.

-1500 word paper was due yesterday
-Nutso theory assignment due tomorrow (which is the lasy analytical assignment in my carreer as a musc student!!! So thats exciting!!)
-1200 word conducting analysis paper
-I have to video tape myself teaching and write a 1000 word reflection on it
-I have to write a sonata...
-aural skills ATONAL sight singing/dictation exam
-Orchestra concert in a WEEK FROM TODAY. And we're playing Schostakowitsch Symphony. For anyone who knows anything about him... well he's nuts. And there is MANY a solo for me. Its stressing me out more than anything!
-Concert Band concert after the orchestra concert
-Chamber Music Jury in 2 weeks
-Divisional Timbrels practice like twice a week.
- not to mention EXAMS.

They lied when they said 2nd year was the worst. 3rd is brutal. Brace yourselves people.

But (even though I'm rotted my exams end on the last day AND the day AFTER my birthday) I will be on Christmas vacation is less than a month!!! :D

Christmas!